Soft, not boundless ❣️

🎵 🎶🎼Natasha Bedingfield – Unwritten

Lately, my life felt like a rather bad movie at times.

Sometimes so absurd that it seemed as if the universe was dramatically enlarging things just to make sure I finally got the message.

Probably a good thing, because I forget quickly. And no, it is NOT the hormones. 😊 At my age, a wildly popular explanation for pretty much anything inconvenient. 😉

“What you resist, persists.”

So, universe: point taken. 😎

Enough now, thank you. 🙏

My boundaries crossed in every possible way.

Confronted, without asking, with things I wish I had never known.

Repeatedly dragged into and even harassed by other people’s pasts I had no part in.

Silence where words should have been.

Words put into my mouth that I never spoke, so others could avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.

And shame too…

How did I not see this?

How can I love so boundlessly?

How did I manage to make myself so small and someone else so big?

But do we really need to be ashamed because we kept seeing the good?

I would still rather live with too much love than with a lack of it that makes you limitless in how you treat other people.

We just need to learn when to stop looking for the good when reality keeps showing us something else.

Anyway.

A lot of feelings were shaken loose.

And that’s when those golden pieces of advice come in handy:

“Count to ten!”

“Bite your tongue!”

Funny though.

What we filter out during those ten seconds often sounds surprisingly logical.

“If you hadn’t…, I wouldn’t have…!”

“Because of you, I am now…!”

And yet no one else is responsible for our feelings.

Someone can trigger something in us.

But the anger, sadness, disappointment and fear that rise up are ours.

And what we do with them is ours too.

We wouldn’t want it any other way.

Because in choosing a conscious response instead of an impulsive reaction, we get to decide who we want to be.

Let’s just say I’ve had plenty of practice in non-reactivity lately.

And I think I did reasonably well. 😅

But…

Here comes the real message. ❣️

Taking responsibility for your feelings does NOT mean you have to keep enduring what causes them.

It also means listening to what your feelings are trying to tell you.

Because sometimes, feelings are simply saying:

Enough.

Up to here.

And from here on: me. ❣️

That last part is an important message for the eternal understanders among us.

The tireless nuance-seekers.

The relentless good-finders.

The believers in potential.

The boundless givers.

Those who, like me, may have overlooked that final nuance for far too long. ❣️

Nothing I didn’t already know rationally.

But apparently, between knowing and doing lies an entire world of absurdities. 😎

Believe it or not, I’ve collected enough material for several movie scripts in my lifetime.

I’d like to keep doing that.

Just… different genres from now on. 😉

It’s quite a paradox.

My softness makes me vulnerable.

So you could say: become harder.

But softness is exactly what I refuse to lose.

It is part of who I am.

And perhaps softness is only a weakness in the wrong context.

I don’t want to live behind a shield either.

So no.

I’m stubbornly, or determinedly, which sounds like a much better quality 😉, ignoring the advice I receive most often.

I will not become harder.

I will simply protect my softness better.

Save it for places where it is a strength.

No more understanding endlessly.

No more adding nuance to the unacceptable.

No more desperately searching for good in what repeatedly shows itself otherwise.

And most importantly: letting go of the belief that love is something you earn by endlessly adjusting yourself.

That pattern kept me in hopeless situations for far too long.

I still dream of a world where you can walk around with your heart wide open without it becoming a target.

A world where soft people don’t need to become harder.

But until then… 😉

I’ve made a promise.

To several people by now.

And finally, to myself.

Maaike 2.0.

She’s ready. 😎💪🙏

A little scary. 😌

But definitely overdue.

Don’t worry.

She’s just as soft.

Just as loving.

Just as kind and positive.

I personally think she’s funny too, although apparently the jury is still out on that one. 😉

She’s just no longer boundless.

And do you know why I share all of this with the world?

Because I often receive messages from people who recognise themselves in my words.

And that keeps teaching me the same thing:

Vulnerability connects.

I believe in the beauty of imperfection.

We don’t have to show only our shine.

We can show the cracks too.

The places where, eventually, the light finds its way in.

They make us real.

Because perfection, in the end, is nothing more than a beautiful lie.

❣️

Love,

Always,

Maaike

If these words resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to share this essay with someone who might need it today. ❤️

Love in Action – Maaike

I give words to what connects & what separates us.

To moments that move us.

To what builds bridges between hearts & people.

In the hope of creating a little more love &  connection.

For everyone who has ever struggled to understand someone else & themselves

❣️