Unwind your spinning doubt

🎶 “Shake it out”- Florence and the Machine

Recently, the decision to divorce was clearly reaffirmed during a mediation session. The man found it very difficult to accept.

As a mediator, I sometimes ask uncomfortable questions:

‘Is your decision truly firm?’

‘Is there really no way back?’

These questions create space to explain the long, intense, emotionally exhausting and painful process of doubt between divorcing or staying that precedes such a major decision.

Because no one takes this choice lightly. I can say this with full conviction after nearly 20 years as a divorce mediator.

And then this woman uses a metaphor that stays with me.

She feels like a spinning top being set in motion when he talks to her.

About all the reasons why divorce is wrong, how she’s seeing it incorrectly, how much pain she’s causing, and what burdens she’s placing on their children.

In that spinning, doubt arises again.

And guilt.

But that doubt, she said, is “fabricated”.

It doesn’t come from within herself. It’s not intrinsic but extrinsic.

That metaphor speaks volumes.

Because it’s important: distinguishing between doubt from within yourself and doubt created by external pressure.

And the realization that guilt – a murderously heavy feeling – often stems from what you actually don’t need to carry.

I reframe guilt too: instead of guilt, which I reserve more for deliberately harming another, I prefer to speak of responsibility.

That creates space and eases the burden.

I’m taking this spinning top metaphor with me.

As a symbol that not everything that moves does so by its own force.

If you recognize yourself as sometimes being such a spinning top, let yourself wind down and see if you then stop spinning on your own…

Because that might say a lot…

Love❣️,

Maaike 

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About Love in Action

I love to create happiness by connecting people in my personal and professional life. So I am a mediator.

I also love words—because they connect too.

So I write loveposts and blogposts filled with heartfelt wishes, sprinkled with a touch of music.

My mission? 

Simple: spread love.

To inspire growth, kindness, and living with your eyes, mind, and heart wide open.

I dream of making the world a little warmer.

Love in Action — that’s what I believe in.

Will you join me? 🤍

Have a love note for me? 

Always welcome: contact@maaikegoyens.be