A girl to love ❣️

Someone recently said that Facebook is a feel-good show — mine included.

That surprised me.

Because I believe I’m quite open about my hurdles and wobbly moments.

I can rise high in positivity, yet suddenly find myself standing on the edge of a bottomless void.

The hardness of life — and of people — sometimes makes me feel small. And small is putting it gently.

So here it is… a glimpse into my ♥️, on a lesser day.

Today, I received the poem my host father once dedicated to me in Hydra-a gorgeous island where we recently spent time together on. The words touched me back then, and touched me again now.

He couldn’t have known I was having an emotional day —

one of those days when tears had already traced their way down my cheeks.

I also received a message describing me as a girl to love

— exactly on a day when I needed to hear that —

and a warm hug that I let last much longer than usual.

I’m not really the hugging type, but oh, how good it felt.

It came after a long conversation — about my most tender spot:

that I take better care of others than of myself,

and rarely allow myself love or safety.

Because of that, I have to watch I don’t become a hermit.

Something I sometimes fear.

Because I’ve become rather good at being alone —

so I don’t have to guard my heart so fiercely.

For my ♥️ is a target.

A little bit vulnerable, a little bit giving, a little bit allowing —

and waiting for trust to grow —

I’m not very good at that.

I’m more of an all-or-nothing kind of person.

Today I learned that this isn’t my adult self, but my child self speaking.

(Funny — since that’s exactly what I’m writing a series about right now.)

She told me I can trust my adult self more.

To take good care of me.

To stay away from the flames

that once left me with third-degree burns.

(Such a beautiful metaphor, isn’t it?)

So no — my life is definitely not a feel-good show.

It’s searching, practicing, sometimes stumbling.

And yes, that’s partly because I hold vulnerability high

and want to be a pure, good human being.

But I want to keep living from love.

Because if anything resonates with who I am — and who I long to be —

it’s love in action.

Taking care of the circumstances — and the people — that let love flow.

That’s probably where it all begins.

And maybe my big self really can do that better than my little one ❣️

Though I hope they’re both girls to love. ♥️

Love,

Maaike