Challenge your mind: old ways don’t lead to new destinations

Song 🎵 🎶🎶: “Change”, Tracy Chapman https://open.spotify.com/track/4q83spgP5cU0MXMqrYsxau?si=3bXev7YOSq6L-6_VGwAmDA.

“Changes”, Hayd https://open.spotify.com/track/7KhzNtBj6hmB08fyJCIRb3?si=67QkVVqrT7W9-BVpPSYWyg

We all have habits, often things we regularly do on autopilot. We literally save brain energy by following pathways of flattened gray cells in our brain without too much thought nor awareness. So routine has an advantage. But…old ways don’t lead to new destinations. So to create change we must challenge our mind.

I learned from Tara Swart that we cannot undo those pathways. We can however create new ones. By consciously changing habits or making new choices. Neurogenesis, neuroplasticity,…very interesting topics.

Coffee is one of my regular routines to start the day. Recently I started drinking it outside if at all possible. Because I learned from Andrew Huberman that a few minutes in direct daylight/sunlight shortly after waking up is good for dopamine levels. And creating shortcuts towards dopamine is one of the new pathways I aim for. 

In the meantime, it has also become a moment of reflection: I sit still, I think, I journal, I read or write,..:

The morning of this photo my thoughts went to the mediation session I ended the day with the night before. It was a long chat on different topics to reach a divorce agreement. A conversation with highs & lows, sometimes more against than towards a solution. So both connection and disconnection. It was not my first meeting with these clients, so I already discovered their conversation patterns. 

In how we interact & communicate there are neural paths too. And I realized that some of my habits in this area might be in need of some revision. For example, I want to make

a habit out of consciously looking at the other during a chat? Because eye contact contributes to connection. And while I really don’t like small talk I do have too many “Are you okay?”-“Yes, with you?”-meetings in my life. I want to change that too.

If you think carefully, you will undoubtedly find some patterns too in how you interact & communicate that don’t always reflect who you really are.

I hope that my two clients from yesterday took first step towards a new neural path too. And I believe they did, because they mentioned how they both liked to finally find a way to focus on common ground again. On what really matters for them: again: parenthood over their wonderful girl.

So look…habit & routine (my morning coffee ) combined with my recent choice of dopamine shots led again to new insight and inspiration. To personally consciously choose real connection far more often. 

And to professionally strengthen the path in which I guide partners who are separating to keep parenting together. By keeping their personals griefs as ex-partners off their coming ground as parents. So that the children can walk a shared path, in stead of forming  a bridge between to totally different routes.